Luci Barker

Luci with an I not Lucy with a Y

Saturday, 3 June 2017

MY JOURNEY TO BECOMING A HAPPIER PERSON // Storytime!



I would firstly like to start this post off by sending my thoughts and prayers to all those involved in the recent attack in Manchester, my heart is with you, your families and loved ones. 

After hearing about the horrendous attacks that took place in Manchester recently it's really put life in to perspective, that life is short, the materialistic things don't matter and the only things that do are our loved ones and constantly telling them how much you love and care for them. 

Growing up I've always been the shy girl, trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone by pretending to be someone I'm not because I felt like I wasn't good enough. When I went to High School, I was bullied for a long time and I was the girl that was used to having insults thrown at her left, right and centre, about insecurities I didn't even know I had. The girl that would find any excuse to not go to School or to get out of lessons by pretending to be ill and going to the first aid room. 

I hate bullying, it's one of my most hated things in the whole world ... why put someone down constantly, what do you get out of it? I always thought that if someone didn't like me, that I was doing something wrong, but actually it says more about the bully themselves and how dull their life must be to make them want to feel better about themselves by knocking someones confidence.

Going through School, I had many different friendship groups but I always felt as though I was the odd one out, the one that would be at the bottom of the pile. The people that were my 'bestfriends' at one point, the people that you were just never good enough for, and now I know that they never actually were my friends. Although I felt that they were b*tchy, toxic and not genuine, a couple of the friends I made at school were genuine, nice people and I now realize that they're the only ones that matter, the ones who cheer you up, stand up for you and make you laugh until it hurts! 


I feel that during High School was when my anxiety really took a turn for the worse because I became so self-aware, like if someone was too laugh, I'd think they were laughing at me, if someone was to stare at me, I'd constantly think it was for the bad reasons, because of the spots I had, or my makeup ... when in actual fact they probably weren't laughing at me or they may not have even seen me! When you're walking through the corridors on your own and your heartbeat gets louder and your breathing gets faster ... you know there is nothing to be worried about but you're in such a closed space and you just want to get away. 

I consider myself as a caring person, someone that cares for people whole-hardheartedly and will stop at nothing until I know they're OK. Looking back on it, I was too busy worrying about everyone else, what they thought of me, if they liked me etc. and I wish so much that I could go back and tell my self that it doesn't matter if they don't like you because it's OK to be alone ... because I'd rather have nobody than be friends with toxic, horrible people. 

I actually thank those people that put me down everyday, everything they used to say to me, everything they used to do to me, because without them I wouldn't be as  happy and as strong willed as I am today. 

Although, I was at my lowest, it's taught me to get rid of the toxic people from my life, to not let them  bring me down and unless they're putting just as much effort in then I don't want to know. It's also taught me not to care what anyone thinks, and if I want to do something I will, even if it's as small as buying a top that I like, even though other people don't like it, going out without makeup on and even down to starting this blog. I have wanted to start blogging and post videos on YouTube for around 3 years now and in January this year I finally plucked up the courage to start blogging ... I haven't quite got around to posting a video on YouTube yet ... hopefully soon, but as they say:

'In a years time you'll wish you had started today'

which is so true because I'm the happiest I've ever been because I'm finally putting myself first. If you want to do something, whether it's travel the world, start a career that you've been dreaming of since you can remember or even start  going to the Gym and make yourself healthier and happier. Just do it, do something everyday that will get you closer to your goal ... what have you got to lose? Push yourself out of your comfort zone and even if you hate every second of it, your future self will thank you for it. 

Life is short, there are so many things that you can dwell on and put yourself down about but their are also so many other things that you have to be thankful for and a million positives. You've got to remember that it is temporary, nothing is ever so bad that it can't get better because you are always one decision away from a completely different life. 

You have one life, go out, have fun, be crazy but most of all be YOU and don't let anyone dictate how you live it. Live the life that you dream of, the life that you'll be exited to share with your children and grandchildren. I don't know about you, but I would rather look back on my life and say 'I can't believe I did that' rather than 'I wish I'd have done that'. 

Lastly, I just want to thank every single one of you for reading my blog every week, the fact that there are now nearly 400 people that follow my blog makes me so happy ... yes, I know that doesn't seem like a lot but I never expected anyone to read my posts when I started. I know this was a bit of a random blog but I'm really glad that I shared this with you and I hope this helped at least one of you out in any way.





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